There's no better place to get the truth, then Reddit. Redditors don't hold back and share the cold, hard reality (as they know and experience it). We asked separated or divorced, male Redditors for "the #1 thing GUYS need or need to know - about divorce."
The result: Some epic tips from Reddit users who've been there. If you're going through the struggle, here's what they suggest.
"Whether your ex is sending you a clear a message or not, you have to KNOW or assume/act like it's over and she is done. You need to move on, let go and make changes that are better for YOU, not bc you think can win her back. In my case my ex has been absolutely clear that it's over and she is done. She is like a machine. No emotions (that she is showing). Despite this it's still been hard to fully let go of the love and hope. Each time I get a reminder that there is none it's a painful setback." - u/HarnessYourHopes_68
"I can completely relate to this. My wife is very good at controlling her emotions and expressions. It's made it so difficult to deal with the pain of the break up because she isn't showing the same suffering I am. I know she's hurting too, in her own ways, but I wish she would show it. I feel like it would make this whole split easier and not feel so drastically one sided." - u/Wizardofthe8thbit
"This is probably sad, but I will say it anyway: That I can be desirable again and find someone to be with that would like to be with me. Being social has never been natural for me (surprise a reclusive Redditor!). So I am pretty hardcore struggling with the reality. Sure, I know what to do: hit the gym, find a hobby, try yoga because its mostly girls, take a cooking class, get out there etc. Still scares the shit out of me. If a single mutually attractive person were to hit on me, I might die from elation and shock. I feel that bad about my prospects right now." - u/bottyliscious
"1. Do not move out of the home before the divorce is final.
2. Unless it's about the kids, radio silence with your STBX.
3. Know your state's law about what 'separation' means. Some of them, like VA, are very
particular."
4. Get a digital audio recorder.
5. Prepare before you file." - u/dday_throwaway3
"Financial guidance." - u/mach0927
"I think that a few weeks ago, I really wanted some sort of assurance that my daughter would be OK. Today, I realize that was just my own anxiety. She will be OK. She's strong and fabulous and both of her parents love her. I, in the meantime, am trying to live in the present and not needlessly worry about things that I will need to worry about tomorrow. I can stress myself out over finances. But I'll just need to budget and figure things out further down the road once I have more information." - u/Tango_Juliet_Oscar
"Strength to not react to the baiting and stay the course." - u/justaguyinstl617
"Money has been the hardest thing for me. She handled all of the finances. It's been 2 months, and I finally feel like I'm getting it. And I've discovered that I'm pretty good at not spending money and saving it. Makes me wonder where all this money went over the years." - u/cartmancakes
"Always, always, always keep my cool. No matter how much shit talking goes on, yelling at me, total negligence in helping out and caring for the kids or house. My STBX and her lawyer spend all day and all night trying to push my buttons. And I am a hothead. I can proudly say that I have managed to maintain my cool thus far. I don’t yell or scream or fight and I usually just say yes to whatever demand comes my way. Only thrice I’ve declined to do an errand or whatnot." - u/newdudenewID
"Reliable Legal guidance. My STBXW has a legal service "drafting" our papers, but they have been dragging their feet. I really don't want nor can I afford to get into an escalation with lawyers on both sides. At the same time, I want this to be done and over with." - u/wbg34
"Keep your head straight, stay on your path, and stick to your guns." - u/llzerdklng
"My STBX and her lawyer spend all day and all night trying to push my buttons
That's my biggest worry. My STBX knows how to hurt me, how to insult and push me to a point where I loose it. I am a hothead myself but over the years I have understood it and got pretty good at controlling myself. Now I just ignore and try not to listen to what she is saying. Sometimes I even plug in my headphones and turn the volume up. But she pulls out the earphones from my ears. And now she is stooping to the lowest levels to instigate me. I dread the day when I will be in front of a judge and she will try everything to make me look like a bad person." - u/ali_sez_so
"Loss of intimacy is very tough.. filling it with meaningless encounters is very empty.
That said... time and patience, along with an outlet for frustrations which used to be sex." - u/Rick_Perrys_Asshole
"Don’t move out of the family house until divorce is final." - u/nerves76
"You could leave the house if you are able to get her to sign a document which spells out some important facts, that you are both agreeing to separate, that you are looking for joint custody, any support payments etc. Problem is that women are not willing to agree to things. It's important to understand that if there is conflict and claims of abuse etc, custody will not be shared, and it becomes a winner take all war that will cost you both a boatload." - u/Bognin
"Communicate only in written form. Learn to not let your emotions dictate your actions and always think before you act." -u/lemmingsrevenge
"I’m going through a divorce now and would say that if it isn’t a big deal, don’t make it a big deal. You can always buy a new couch or TV. If you have kids, it’s important that they see you both divorce on good terms. Otherwise, they may want to lash out because they see you two fighting." - u/G3n3r1cc0unt
"Don't take advice from her attorney. Get your own, and your own impartial friends, to calibrate you on what's true." - u/JohnnyMnemo
"Always. Press. Charges." - u/red_philosopher
